I am 29. Going on 30

For the last few days, the thought that I have almost reached 30years is haunting me . I am not sure why I am getting so upset about it. Might be I have started feeling that  I have already finished up half my life. Apart from the DOB that proves my age, I do not  feel anything that makes me think I'm 30. I still remember , when I was a little more younger,I used to think of  '30' was a big age and people in that age group , I used to call as  'uncles' or 'aunts'. Now when my friends' kids call me 'aunt', I turn and recheck whether they are calling someone else.

I feel so many things around and about me has changed.  Say DDLJ, I have watched it some 20 times and always used to feel good whenever  I watched it. Now I get bored when I see most romantic movies. When some distant relatives visit home, I used to be always in the shadow of my mother. She does the talking and greeting and all. My part was to come , smile ,there for sometime and escape in the name of studies. But now it is like I am expected to be a good host and take care of the whole thing. Gray hairs have started popping out. I have my own family other than my parents. Things that hurt me in my childhood days and the reasons behind them now seem very silly. My parents who used to be very busy taking care of us, is now enjoying a retired life. My nephews who were like so tiny and was juts a handful 8 years before have grown up and started asking questions about science and technology.

Recently was reading a blog by Dhan of not having anything done important in life. I could feel what she meant as I also am feeling the same nowadays. I wanted to do so many things. I have pursued my passions till I got a job .After that it was all about excelling in work for the next two years. Then the passion  graph became still, a straight line. Life is now revolving around work, my close family ,cooking  and  cleaning . I struggle to find time for even my friends. When I say this, people even scare me with the dialogue , 'Wait for the kid'. Facebook used to make me feel that I am spending time with friends. But then recently I realized that I am just one among the 1000 friends in anyone's friend's list and that doesn't mean that I am in touch with my close friends.

I know I am worried about not getting busy, its all about  leaving behind so many things that was my passion. Music, Dancing, Guitar, Reading, Movies, Travelling, Photography. Apart from this, I wanted to do lot of other things. Now I am scared that one day I will become 60 and is going to regret for all my things that are undone. It is time for action. And on top of all , I have now started to understand the pain behind the poem 'Oru vattam koodi ' though I have read that poem some 100 times in my school text book and could never even know that there was so much emotion between the lines.